I never realized how abused I was in past relationships. It has really messed me up. Thanks to all the abused I have gotten, I have no idea how to show myself normally. I react to thing so extreme to small things. I get so needy and want to be told that I am special because alot of guy would say they like me one day then give me the cold shoulder. I never knew what to think. I been told by one guy that he usually more thinner girls than me. Some guys would spend no money one me and take me not where but would go to the movies with his guy friends. Then I would get told my time will come one day. Some would follow me and drive by my work. One time I went to the bank and one guy follow me into the bank and ask if customer was flirting me. I just get thrown away by everyone. I have no self esteem. I get clingy because I am scared If I gave them space, they will leave me. I am just messed up that why.
Thanks to all the problems above, I ruin something with someone I truly care about. I have never wanted anything as bad as I want him. I wish I could tell him that but I have to respect his wishes.  I would give anything to get back what I lose. He made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. . So I am powerless.  I have no one to blame but me.

Thank you to my reader. You really makes me feel like someone out there cares.  I don’t know who you are but thanks.

824 PM CST SAT DEC 13 2008
…MIXED FROZEN PRECIPITATION WILL IMPACT SOUTHERN MISSOURI…
.A PERIOD OF FREEZING RAIN FOLLOWED BY A PERIOD OF SLEET AND SNOW
WILL OCCUR OVER MUCH OF SOUTHERN MISSOURI SUNDAY NIGHT INTO
MONDAY MORNING.
MOST LOCATIONS WILL EXPERIENCE ONE TO THREE HOURS OF FREEZING
RAIN…WITH ICE ACCUMULATIONS RANGING FROM A TRACE TO ONE QUARTER
OF AN INCH. EVENTUALLY THIS FREEZING RAIN WILL CHANGE OVER TO A
MIXTURE OF SLEET AND SNOW. ADDITIONAL SLEET AND SNOW ACCUMULATIONS
WILL RANGE FROM A TRACE TO TWO INCHES.
LOCATIONS ALONG AND EAST OF A LINE FROM TABLE ROCK LAKE…TO
SPRINGFIELD…TO THE LAKE OF THE OZARKS REGION WILL EXPERIENCE
THE MORE SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF MIXED PRECIPITATION. LOCATIONS
WEST OF THIS LINE INCLUDING SOUTHEAST KANSAS AND FAR WESTERN
MISSOURI WILL RECEIVE LIGHTER AMOUNTS.
DUE TO SUB FREEZING TEMPERATURES SPREADING ACROSS SOUTHERN
MISSOURI LATE SUNDAY NIGHT…ROADS WILL LIKELY BECOME SLICK AND
HAZARDOUS. SOME ICE ACCUMULATION ON ELEVATED OBJECTS SUCH AS TREES
AND POWER LINES IS ALSO EXPECTED.

Hopefully, It will not be as bad as they say.

Here what the forcast has for right now:

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85

By BOB THOMAS Bob Thomas – 26 mins ago

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controverisal photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page suffered a heart attack last week in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, her agent Mark Roesler said. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

“She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality,” Roesler said. “She is the embodiment of beauty.”

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

The latter helped contribute to her mysterious disappearance from the public eye, which lasted decades and included years during which she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

“I don’t want to be photographed in my old age,” she told an interviewer in 1998. “I feel the same way with old movie stars. … It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young.”

The 21st century indeed had people remembering her just as she was. She became the subject of songs, biographies, Web sites, comic books, movies and documentaries. A new generation of fans bought thousands of copies of her photos, and some feminists hailed her as a pioneer of women’s liberation.

Gretchen Mol portrayed her in 2005′s “The Notorious Bettie Page” and Paige Richards had the role in 2004′s “Bettie Page: Dark Angel.” Page herself took part in the 1998 documentary “Betty Page: Pinup Queen.”

Her career began one day in October 1950 when she took a respite from her job as a secretary in a New York office for a walk along the beach at Coney Island. An amateur photographer named Jerry Tibbs admired the 27-year-old’s firm, curvy body and asked her to pose.

Looking back on the career that followed, she told Playboy in 1998, “I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It’s just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous.”

Nudity didn’t bother her, she said, explaining: “God approves of nudity. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they were naked as jaybirds.”

In 1951, Page fell under the influence of a photographer and his sister who specialized in S&M. They cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature and posed her in spiked heels and little else. She was photographed with a whip in her hand, and in one session she was spread-eagled between two trees, her feet dangling.

“I thought my arms and legs would come out of their sockets,” she said later.

Moralists denounced the photos as perversion, and Sen. Estes Kefauver of Tennessee, Page’s home state, launched a congressional investigation.

Page quickly retreated from public view, later saying she was hounded by federal agents who waved her nude photos in her face. She also said she believed that, at age 34, her days as “the girl with the perfect figure” were nearly over.

She moved to Florida in 1957 and married a much younger man, as an early marriage to her high school sweetheart had ended in divorce.

Her second marriage also failed, as did a third, and she suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1959, she was lying on a sea wall in Key West when she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian.

After attending Bible school, she wanted to serve as a missionary but was turned down because she had been divorced. Instead, she worked full-time for evangelist Billy Graham’s ministry.

A move to Southern California in 1979 brought more troubles.

She was arrested after an altercation with her landlady, and doctors who examined her determined she had acute schizophrenia. She spent 20 months in a state mental hospital in San Bernardino.

A fight with another landlord resulted in her arrest, but she was found not guilty because of insanity. She was placed under state supervision for eight years.

“She had a very turbulent life,” Todd Mueller, a family friend and autograph seller, told The Associated Press on Thursday. “She had a temper to her.”

Mueller said he first met Page after tracking her down in the 1990s and persuaded her to do an autograph signing event.

He said she was a hit and sold about 3,000 autographs, usually for $200 to $300 each.

“Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40 to $50. … Bettie Page outsells them all,” he told The AP last week.

Born April 22, 1923, in Nashville, Tenn., Page said she grew up in a family so poor “we were lucky to get an orange in our Christmas stockings.”

The family included three boys and three girls, and Page said her father molested all of the girls.

After the Pages moved to Houston, her father decided to return to Tennessee and stole a police car for the trip. He was sent to prison, and for a time Betty lived in an orphanage.

In her teens she acted in high school plays, going on to study drama in New York and win a screen test from 20th Century Fox before her modeling career took off.

———-

I am so sad to hear that. I loved “The Notorious Bettie Page“. What also sad is that I had her on my online death pool for three years.

The one man that did make me the most happy I ever been wants nothing to do with me. I forgave him along time ago and I love him so much. He means so much but I can’t tell him. I messed that one up. I said some mean thing without realizing I did do that. I am so sorry for that. I would give him the moon if he wanted it. He is the most wonderful, handsome, sweet, funny, and sexy man I have ever known. He is the Jack to my Sam. I am sorry and wish for forgiveness. I would do anything to make him happy. I really do love you and no one will compare to you.

I am dreading the holidays this year. I just wish it was January 7th. This year would mark the nine year adversary of my aunt and uncle deadly car wreak and the first Christmas with out my granny. My other 90 year grandmother has Alzheimer’s. Found out she had a stork the other day. I have no friends to talk to about all this. I hate the holidays.